Surviving Under House Arrest
by Goddess369
Summary: The boys have been tricked and taken to a strange house where they are forced to do ridiculous tasks to leave. Will they be able to stand each other? Read to see who will out think! Out shine! Out survive under house arrest!
1. Chapter 1

This was inspired by another fanfic I read for yugioh. I don't own Saiyuki Reload. To those of you that read 'Oh, Crap', it will be updated soon, I just got caught up in another anime since my last update!

"Shit, my head hurts…"

"You're telling me; cough, what the hell happened?"

"I'm not sure, but I'd like to find out where we are first. I can't see a thing…"

"Aww, man! I was getting hungry too!"

"Dammit, monkey, you stepped on my foot!"

"Well maybe if it wasn't so freaking huge-"

"I think you're confusing my foot with another vital part of my body."

A short silence ensued, but was quickly broken by Sanzo's snort. "Yeah, maybe your head…"

"HEY, no one was asking you, baldy-"

-Click- "I didn't need your permission to speak, kappa."

"What, you're gonna try and shoot me in the dark?" Gojyo asked, smirking to himself.

"'Ch. All I have to do is follow your irritating voice, so keep still."

"Why, you sorry excuse for a monk-"

A sigh was heard. "Yare yare…"

Suddenly the lights turned on, making the Sanzo party groan and squint as their pupils adjusted to the change.

Goku blinked. "We're in a…kitchen?" He blinked again, this time his face lit up considerably. "We're in a kitchen!"

The priest eyed the room wearily. "Like I said before: what the hell happened?"

Gojyo ran a hand through his hair. "The last I remember is playing a game of cards at the local bar. Then I left and ran into a pretty young red head,"

"A hanyou?" Hakkai questioned calmly.

"Nah, she had green eyes, anyway, we went back to her place and well…here I am."

Goku looked up from the fridge, a pickle dangling from his mouth. "So you just blacked out or somethin'?"

Gojyo shrugged, leaning against a counter top. "I must have…"

Their blond leader rolled his eyes. "How typical."

A red brow twitched. "Yeah? And where was our oh-so-noble leader before this?"

"If you must know, I was getting a massage. I dozed off and woke up here."

"Then why are you fully clothed again?"

"As if I could tell you!"

Goku paused in his eating from his spot at the table to chime in. "I was in the hotel's restaurant. The waitress was real nice." He scratched his head, trying to remember. "Maybe I just fell asleep after eating."

Their hanyou sweat dropped. "If you were JUST eating, then why are you eating AGAIN?"

Goku scowled. "I'm hungry, dang it! Besides, who knows how long we've all been out of it?"

Hakkai nodded in agreement. "He's right, I'm afraid. I was reading in the hotel room when a woman came up with some tea. She said it was room service and that Sanzo had ordered it." He nodded at the monk.

Sanzo frowned. "I did no such thing."

"I thought you might say that. But what gets me is that the woman was also a red head with green eyes. And the tea did taste a bit…off." This time he threw a look to Gojyo, who smiled sheepishly. "Maybe they were sisters?"

"Hai! My waitress looked like that!" Goku exclaimed enthusiastically.

"So did the masseuse. She gave me tea too, said something about it calming people…"

"Now that you mention it, I did have some kinda drink at her house…"

Sanzo shook his head in aggravation. "This is ridiculous! How could she be in four places at once? Especially if she was only human…"

"With my necklace of course!" Came a feminine voice.

The group looked in all directions, but there was no one else in the room.

Gojyo growled impatiently. "Would you just come out already?" He shouted.

"Here I am."

All attention was directed to the door, where a young woman had just come through, smiling in a friendly fashion. "Hey, guys."

Shock ran through the men (and Goku) as they each realized that this was the woman they had been discussing moments before. "I guess you're all wondering why I brought you here-"

"Not really," Sanzo interjected as he once again held up his gun, ready to put a bullet right between his eyes, "I'm just wondering when we'll get out."

She pouted. "After the massage I gave you, this is what I get, Sanzo? I thought I meant more to you than that." She teased. "Although, I'd be happy to give you another one, free of charge." She winked.

Sanzo nearly blushed, but his gaze remained firm. "Maybe when I see you in hell."

The intensity of his statement was, however, lessened by the sound of Gojyo's barely repressed giggles in the background. "Dammit, kappa, what is it _now_?!"

"I'm sorry…" Gojyo held a hand over his mouth. "You're just so fucking bad with women…"

"Urusei, baka!"

Even Hakkai chuckled, although he quickly changed it to a cough when those violet eyes glared his way. Goku glanced periodically at the table where he'd placed his meal, wondering whether or not it was a bad time to keep eating. He snuck a grape, looking everywhere but at people so that he wouldn't be suspected.

The girl, very bravely or stupidly, walked up to Sanzo, gently touching the weapon and pointing it away from her.

He just looked at her incredulously. "Who the hell do you think you are?"

"I'm Emily!" She replied cheerfully. "And just between us," Her voice dropped to a whisper, "You _could_ stand to be a little nicer."

Sanzo sweat dropped. "So I've been told…"

"Anyway, I brought you here because I'm just a lonely fan girl who wants to have fun." She returned to her place in front of the door so she could see everyone.

"What kind of 'fun'"? Hakkai inquired.

"All kinds of fun! Here's how it'll work: I'm gonna give you guys challenges, and whoever wins the challenge will be immune from the next challenge, and so on." She shrugged. "Or I'll just make something up if I get bored!"

"And the point of all this would be…?" Sanzo asked frankly.

"Uh…to help you become stronger as people and as a team…? Heh?"

The room was silent, broken only by Goku gagging as he almost choked on a grape.

"Right. Well then, you guys are free to go anywhere in the house. The exits, and that does include windows, are protected by magic, and it would be unwise to shoot at them because the bullets will bounce off with the same force as they were headed." She explained, throwing a meaningful look to Sanzo.

"So what's the first challenge?" Goku asked, his golden eyes wide with curiosity.

"I thought you would never ask," She grinned, "I decided to keep the first one easy, well, fairly easy. Well, knowing you guys…"

Sanzo pinched the bridge of his nose in irritation. "Would you just get on with it, woman?"

"Right! Anyway, there's a reason I brought you all to the kitchen first. You're going to be cooking!"

The only person that didn't appear mortified was Hakkai. Then they abruptly voiced their displeasure at once.

"Are you MAD?! This place will have caved in by the time the kappa's done with it!"

"Oh, like you're one to talk, baldy!"

"I don't cook food, I eat it!"

"Yeah, and by the time we figure out what to cook, there'll be nothing left to thanks to the human vacuum!"

"I'm terribly sorry for their rudeness-"

"OUR rudeness?? She's the one who drugged all of us!"

"Well maybe if our man whore could control himself one time-"

"Don't you dare blame me for this; the rest of you let your guard down too!"

"Don't talk like that to Sanzo, and the rest of us were doing normal things, cock roach!"

"And what I do isn't?"

Emily sat happily in her corner munching on a bag of pop corn.

"No! It's gross!"

"No, eating twice your own weight of pork in one sitting is gross!"

-Click- "Shut up, just shut UP!"

"Make us, monk-"

-BANG-

Their hostess pouted. "Now I have to pay for a hole in the ceiling…"

"I hardly think it's big enough to worry about, compared to what it's gonna do to you."

"Eeep!" Emily threw some popcorn at Sanzo as a reaction, some of it landing in his mouth.

Goku looked wide eyed at his idol, child like shock etched into his face. "No fair, I want some!"

"Enough!" Now it seemed that Emily was ready for business, her eagerness given away by the struggling grin. "I don't care what you make, but you have to put at least an ounce of thought into it-Teehee, get it? Ounce of thought? And you're cooking?" Crickets could be heard in the back ground, making her blush and continue. "Anyway, you shall be judged on creativity, taste, and…that's it. Oh, and for every challenge you guys have, I'll be bringing a special guest to help me judge, alright? You all have two hours-see ya then!"

"WAIT, if the monkey's eaten half the food, how are we supposed to make anything worthy?" Hakkai asked, genuinely concerned about this dilemma.

Emily disappeared for a moment, reappearing with large paper bags in her hand. "Well, I thought of that, so I went shopping before coming! Aren't I a wonderful hostess?"

Only Hakkai smiled as he took the groceries, and with one last pout Emily left for good.

The room was silent, save for Hakkai's scurrying for ingredients and supplies. He soon noticed the others and their lack of enthusiasm. "Well? You should all get started, too!"

Gojyo sweat dropped. "We already know you're gonna win this, 'Kai, so I don't see the point in it."

Sanzo was brooding in the corner. "This is why I hate women. And kappas."

Gojyo frowned. "Nani?!"

"You heard me," Came the cool reply.

"Dammit, monk, that's it; I may not be able to out cook Hakkai, but I KNOW I can beat your sorry ass any day!" More clanking around was heard as Gojyo joined Hakkai to begin making a concoction of his own.

An infuriated Sanzo stamped his foot. "Enough! If the only way to get out of this hell hole is to get through these stupid contests, then I might as well put the water sprite to shame in them all." And he joined Hakkai and Gojyo.

Goku pouted, obviously not wanting to join any of this, but seeing as he would be the only one left and with nothing to do he stood up and curiously peered around for something to make as well.

And little did they know…that the first chapter is over. Chaos shall occur in the next. Hope you liked it; it's fun writing so far so I'll probably update soon if anyone wants. Please review!


	2. Men Have More Possibilities

Hey guys, time for chapter two :) To those who reviewed:

BlackCherries91: Thanks, this is just something I'm writing to get all my random thoughts out so they'll stop swimming in my head

Mirianathegreat: Thank you for taking the time to review, but typing 'update' sixteen times and then not saying anything encouraging (or constructive) doesn't really inspire me to, well, update. You told me to stop using Japanese words because it sucks. Care to tell me WHY it sucks? That would be most appreciated. Thanks again )

"So…what are you making?"

"Ah! Dammit, monkey, can't you see I'm BUSY?" Gojyo glared after spilling something he had been stirring in a bowl onto his shirt. "Now leave me to concentrate; I have to beat that monk…" More furious stirring came.

Goku sighed. "Fine, I'll go ask Hakkai for help…"

Hakkai was taking up at least a third of the kitchen, as was his unfinished food. You would think there were two Hakkais the way he sped around so as to attend to all of it. Goku could hear him murmuring things like 'where did those eggs go, dammit…' and 'Gojyo and Sanzo's little spat better not interfere with MY food…!'

"Hey Hakkai!"

"AHH!" Hakkai looked up, his monocle gleaming almost psychotically. "Don't scare people when they're busy, Goku!"

"I was just seeing what you were up to…" He grabbed for the cook book nearby, only to have his hand slapped away and the book in Hakkai's arms, who looked at it as if the object was his only means of survival.

"I'm sorry, Goku, but I can't let you have that, I need it, and it needs me, only it possesses the secrets that I long for, and together we shall win this competition, yes, together forever my preciousss…" Hakkai had taken to stroking the book as he whispered soothingly, long since forgetting of the person standing only two feet away.

Goku stared cautiously at Hakkai as he backed away slowly.

"I think something's wrong with 'Kai!" He called to Sanzo and Gojyo, who answered simultaneously, "That's his own damn fault!"

Goku sighed at how caught up everyone had apparently become. Suddenly he was grabbed by the collar and pulled into a corner. He nearly yelped, but was quickly silenced by a hand over his mouth. "Shut UP, monkey."

Goku sighed again, this time in relief. It was only Sanzo. "What is it, Sanzo?"

Sanzo was frowning. "Look, heaven knows I can't cook." He nodded to the weird heaping of something that Goku could only assume was supposed to be solid. The sight of it made him gag.

"Man, Sanzo, I don't think even_ I_ would eat that-"He noted the murderous glare the monk sent his way, "That is, unless I was very hungry!" Damn, that hadn't helped. "I mean to say, Sanzo, maybe if I was paid or I had a blindfold or-"

-WHACK-

The fan had done its work. Goku rubbed his head. "Ow, Sanzo…why'd you grab me anyway?"

Sanzo looked up, apparently having forgotten that he had been talking to Goku for an actual reason. "I am NOT having the kappa out cook me. No way in hell. But if I can't come up with anything edible, then the least I can do is to make sure that HE can't either."

"So we're going to cheat?"

"Technically, since we all know this is Hakkai's thing, it's not cheating since I'm not aiming to win."

"Wow Sanzo, you've smoked, killed, swore, but I didn't ever think I'd have to add 'cheating' to the list of unholy things you'd do."

"We're not cheating."

"I'm pretty sure we are."

-WHACK- "We're NOT cheating, dammit, we're just…playing a prank on Gojyo."

"Ohhh. Right. So how are we going to cheat?"

Sanzo willed himself to not shoot anything.

Meanwhile, Gojyo had noticed the other two whispering sneakily in the corner. Hmph. He didn't know what they were talking about, but he'd be damned if it wasn't anything bad.

"Ok, OK, it's not cheating! But what're we gonna do?!"

Sanzo coolly ran a hand through his hair. "I haven't actually gotten that far yet-"

"OI, monk and monkey, whatever you two are planning, you can just forget it!" They heard Gojyo call over his shoulder

Sanzo scowled. "The moron is onto us."

Goku shrugged. "I'd be onto us too, especially since we're cheating."

"Don't make me regret talking to you. Scratch that; don't make yourself regret it."

-Gulp- As much as Goku wanted to help his 'sun', he also wanted to rid him of cheating. Something that would help and teach him a lesson…He knew just the thing.

"OK, here's what we'll do," Goku started with an evil grin. "But you'll have to be open to it."

Sanzo eyed him wearily. "What do you mean by open?"

"Just promise!"

"Fine, just freaking tell me!"

whisper whisper whisper "Come again?" whisper whisper "WHA-"frantic whisper "I highly doubt it's the only way-" whispering of back up statements "Fine. This _better _work." encouraging whisper

Sanzo stood up and brushed himself off. He started to walk away from Goku but was stopped by the latter. "_What_?"

"Your robes!"

Sanzo sighed irritably but gave into Goku's determined look. He took his robes off and handed them to a gleeful Goku, leaving Sanzo in his skin tight shirt and nicely fitting jeans. "Are you happy now?"  
"Hai!"

Sanzo rolled his eyes and spun around, facing the unaware-of-their-plan Gojyo who had his back turned to them as he stirred his cooking on the stove.

Gojyo happily hummed to himself as he lazily dragged the wooden spoon through his soup. It had been a few minutes since anything had happened, anything that involved explosions or Goku frightening him or Sanzo's nagging anyway, so he had begun to let his guard down.

At least, until he heard the monk swearing up a storm five yards away. He turned around, wondering what Goku had done, but saw that the monkey was in fact sitting in a corner with a bar of chocolate, oblivious to whatever state if distress Sanzo happened to be in.

Sanzo was facing away from him, so Gojyo couldn't tell what was wrong.

"Would you go and see what's wrong with him, Gojyo?" Hakkai asked, suddenly appearing on Gojyo's right.

"Uh, sure, but what about your food?"

"My food is preparing right now, so I have a few minutes before I must attend to it again." Hakkai answered with a smile.

The whole thing bothered Gojyo. "How do I know you won't do anything to mine?"

Hakkai laughed, holding up his prized cook book for them both to see. "Did you hear that, Kooky? Gojyo is afraid that I'll mess with his cooking. He thinks I'm seriously worried about being beaten by a man who doesn't even possess one of your own _brethren_…No, I didn't mean that you're just a possession, you're _much_ more than that, please accept my apology…"

"Right; I'll be right back then…" Gojyo slipped away, headed towards Sanzo.

"Oi, Sanzo, you alright?"

The said priest turned around. "I'm fine, kappa, and yourself?" Sanzo glanced over Gojyo's shoulder to make sure Goku was doing his part, but saw that Hakkai was standing there instead. Dammit.

Gojyo noticed that Sanzo had his left hand behind his back. Then he saw the knife in the right hand and the piece of raw meat lying on the nearby counter. "I'm fine, but what's behind your back?"

"It's called a _wall_."

"I meant your hand, you ass hole!"

"The wall is still behind my hand."

"What's IN your hand?"

"I should think bones and blood and-"

"Just show your fucking hand, you goddamn priest!"

"Why should it concern you?"

"It doesn't."

"Then why ask?"

"Because I don't trust you!"

Sanzo feigned being hurt. "Have I not proven in the past to be trust worthy, Gojyo?"

Gojyo raised an eye brow at the familiar use of his name. "Not really, _Sanzo_."

Sanzo sighed. "If you must know," He began, revealing his arm and, consequently, a cut on his finger, "I simply had an accident with the knife."

Gojyo rolled his eyes. "That's what got you so upset, pretty boy?"

"'Ch."

"Oh come on, Blondie, lemme bandage it for you…" He took hold of Sanzo's wrist, who pulled it back in disapproval.

"I told you I'm fine."

"Well I can see that you're obviously not, so let me help."

"Dammit, Gojyo, it's just a cut."

"It's bleeding like hell."

At this Sanzo leaned forward and slipped his finger inside his lips, locking eyes with Gojyo. The red head immediately let go of Sanzo's wrist, eyes going wide. "What the hell?!"

Sanzo took this moment to once again look over to see how Goku was doing.

When Gojyo had gone to Sanzo, Goku had risen from his spot on the floor. Hopefully Hakkai wouldn't be too hard to distract as well. He calmly strolled to the healer. Hakkai saw him coming and waited with an expecting smile.

"What can we do for you, Goku?"

"Uh…'we'?"

"Of course, you can't forget Kooky."

"Of course not. Say, 'Kai, why don't I look after Gojyo's food so you can finish yours and spend some time with Kooky?"

"I dunno, Goku…Why don't you let us discuss this privately?"

Goku sweat dropped. "Sure, just let me know when you're ready."

"Will do!"

Sanzo released his finger. "You said that it was bleeding like hell, right?" He asked, examining his wound. "It looks ok to me." He threw a meaningful look to Gojyo, holding up his hand. "Unless you'd lie to do a more thorough job?"

"Um…not really," Gojyo answered rather weakly, earning a smirk from Sanzo.

"Very well then, if you'll just leave me to my-"

"No way am I leaving you to have another accident, monk. Give me the knife."

"Oh, I'll give it to you…"

"I'm serious, _Sanzo_."

And the glaring contest began.

"Goku, we've come to a conclusion!" Hakkai called merrily.

Goku rejoined him. "…And?"

"And…Kooky doesn't trust you."

"Oh…Why?"

"Because you're a child of course!"

"…You did NOT just call me a child!"

"You're right; Kooky did. Now run along, Goku."

Goku smacked his forehead. This would take longer than he thought.

When Sanzo saw that Goku wasn't back in his original seat yet, he gave into to Gojyo for the mere fact that he needed to distract him even longer. Great. Thanks a lot, Goku.

He wordlessly gave Gojyo the knife, hating to lose even a childish game of seeing who could glare longer. But it would be worth it in the long run, when he would get to see the kappa's face as Emily choked on whatever food he had made. The thought of Emily choking made him even happier.

Gojyo sighed in relief, but couldn't quite hide his self-praising smirk as he took the weapon away. "How were you cutting this?"

Sanzo glanced at the meat nonchalantly. "Small pieces. Very small." The smaller the pieces, the more to cut, and then the longer it would take Gojyo. Sanzo snickered; he was just too brilliant for his own good sometimes.

"Hakkai, you do realize that Kooky is a BOOK, right?"

Hakkai gasped rather dramatically. "Goku, Kooky is NOT just a book; he's my friend! He hasn't led me astray and he never will!"

"But you've cooked just GREAT without him before!"

"Never when I was competing for anything!"

"You could throw him away right now and you'd be perfectly fine, 'Kai."

Hakkai held Kooky against his chest, almost cradling the thing. "Do you know what Kooky told me just now, Goku?"

"What's that?"

"That you're just jealous of what we have."

"NANI?"

"And I believe him. Now shoo!"

"That's IT, give me that damn book!" Goku grabbed Kooky, but Hakkai held onto the other half of it firmly.

"Goku, let go of Kooky!"

"No! Not until you stop being possessed by it!"

Sanzo could faintly hear Goku and Hakkai shouting, but wasn't really paying attention. He was instead focused on the fact that Gojyo was nearly done slicing the meat but Goku STILL wasn't finished. The monkey would pay if he kept this up much longer.

He would have to go to more extreme measures.

"What do you think they're yelling about?" Gojyo asked casually, intent on performing his task as cleanly as possible.

Sanzo shrugged. "Hell if I know." Then he leaned his back against the counter so that he was definitely in Gojyo's live of vision. "You know, Gojyo, we could really help each other out."

But the red head just grinned to himself. "No way, Blondie. This is all I'm helping you with-then you're on your own."

Sanzo snorted. "Who said I was talking about cooking?"

Gojyo's hands stopped what they were doing as he looked up at Sanzo, wondering if he had heard that last sentence correctly. "Uh…huh?"

Sanzo smirked and let an eyebrow glide up playfully. "You're a man with needs, Gojyo. You figure it out."

"Give it back!"

"Let it go!"

"Give it back!"

"Let it go!"

"Give, it, back!"

"Let, it, GO!" Goku finally managed to snag the book from Hakkai's clutches. "Ha-ha! Now I'm going to show you that Kooky-I mean the book- is evil and that you don't need it!"

"What, what do you mean?!"

"This is what I mean!"

The rip that followed tore Hakkai apart while the sound exhilarated Goku. He tore page after page after page, throwing them into the air gaily. At last when the massacre was complete, Goku threw away the spine, ignoring Hakkai's wails of protest as the brunette scrambled to pick up the remains of Kooky. Right now he had to get back to screwing up Gojyo's dish!

Meanwhile, Sanzo had managed to slide in between Gojyo and the counter, and Gojyo seemed too stunned to move back.

"Well, when I do have, eh, _needs_, I tend to find a, uh, _woman_ to _help_ me…"

Sanzo chuckled softly, seduction pouring out of his entire body. "Oh, Gojyo," He practically crooned, leaning up to get closer to Gojyo (This was really to make it easier to see Goku over the kappa's shoulder), "Women are so boring; two men have more…possibilities…" Placing his hands on Gojyo's hips, Sanzo pulled their bodies together to accent what he had just whispered in his ear. Oh yes, Goku would most _definitely_ pay for this later.

Gojyo felt like he was in some weird dream or that he had finally gone completely out of his mind and was having hallucinations. "You know Sanzo; I didn't really think of you as swinging _that way_…Actually, I've never thought of you as swinging _any_ way…"

Only mildly listening to Gojyo, Sanzo was overjoyed to see that Goku was finally getting his job done. Once Goku had given him a thumbs up sign, he roughly shoved Gojyo away. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Me?! You were the one trying to seduce me!"

Sanzo just gave him one of those 'you're being extremely idiotic/annoying but I don't want to say anything so I'll just give you a look to let you know how stupid you are' looks. Then he pulled out his gun and aimed it right at Gojyo's handsome face. "I was doing WHAT, kappa?"

"You were-Argh, forget it-I don't care! Everyone's out to mess with Gojyo today…" He continued mumbling as he stomped back to the stove, ignoring Goku, who was trying to comfort a now-sobbing Hakkai.

"You. you murdered him!"

"It had to be done, 'Kai."

"He wa, was, the WORLD to meee…"

"He was messing with your head!"

"And now he's NOTHING…!"

"There there…"

Gojyo took his food off the stove, still muttering. Sanzo had his back turned to everyone, holding a hand to his mouth to keep from laughing aloud to the look that had been on Gojyo's face.

A few minutes later Hakkai finally became quieter, reduced to sniffling and wiping his eyes away from stray tears that hadn't fallen with the initial burst. Goku patted his shoulder, relieved. "Are you ok now?"

When Hakkai looked up, there was no longer sadness in his eyes. Sadness had been replaced by anger. "You killed Kooky."

"You can't kill a book."

Hakkai picked up an egg. "He's NOT a book!" And after taking aim, he threw the egg, but Goku was quick enough to dodge it. It hurled through the air at full speed, and they all watched in horror as it hit the back of a pretty blond head like it was a target.

Time seemed to freeze as Sanzo immediately tensed up and his party stood frozen in their spots. Finally, Sanzo slowly turned around, and they could all feel every murderous thought seeping through every pore of Sanzo's being.

The priest calmly raised a hand to his head and pulled the shell and half the yolk out of his hair, then held it up as if on display. "Which one of you fuckers was it?" He demanded just as calmly, and his calm behavior was what scared the shit out of Goku, Gojyo and Hakkai.

When no one answered, Sanzo chuckled. "Never mind; I don't really give a shit. But I hope you all realize, then, that this means war?"

And this means the end of the chapter! Thanks to those who read this and also to those who review again, it means a lot!


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